Men Don't Need Therapy

As a man, I feel the need to be independent. Men feel the need to be the provider, the GO TO guy, Mr. I CAN FIX IT. We do all these things until it comes to doctors appointments and online paper work. We will drop transmissions or crawl in the attic but will have our spouses call and book an appointment for a situation that WE got ourselves into.

Ladies, I’m not speaking for all men, just sharing my thoughts and experiences. I’m not terrified of the doctor, I’m just uncomfortable being there. Waiting in a quiet room with everyone looking down at their phones. Tons of health magazines but none appealing to a common man. I like to play golf but I don’t want to sit and read a magazine about it! Where’s the GUNS AND AMMO or car magazines? I don’t want to see why ginger root is good for me,  or how stretching can relieve the pain I’m already having. And why do offices only show THE VIEW or BLIPPIE on tv? Turn on SPORTS CENTER so I can see why my fantasy team is down. While I’m on this topic, a pool table would be nice! Whatever it takes to keep the male brain from making up whatever is going on behind that closed door.

If we are just sitting there, pretending to be interested in whatever it is that my partner is showing me, we imagine the worse shit that’s gonna happen when we get back there. A huge male nurse with cold hands asking us to bend over with a 12 inch needle in hand. That’s how we think! At least that’s how I think. That’s why we answer the doctor with the same damn answer, “I’m fine”. They know it’s complete BS because why would we be there? 

Then we pretend like we know every medical term being thrown out there by a doctor who thinks they are God’s gift to medicine. Blood counts, C1 and 3, blink 182, ab-6…. I don’t know what the hell this means!! All I know is T-1000 and if that shows up, we need to get to the chopper fast!! (Terminator joke).

At then end, we find out we are worse than how we were walking in. But then don’t listen and return to work with a GINGER ALE because we semi-read it in a magazine. I say all this to let women know WHY us men need you to make appointments.